Dorrin Beauty | The Cultivator of Change Award Honoree
Girl, Stop Hiding
A month ago, I got a message I wasn't expecting.
Dorrin Beauty wanted to honor me with its Cultivator of Change Award at their Charleston event: Beauty in Brunch: Soft Life in Full Bloom.
My immediate reaction?
Ummm...me? Really?!
I haven’t even been in Charleston for a year yet, having moved here last October to serve as Chief Marketing Officer of the International African American Museum. Even though I've spent more than a decade building a career in marketing, IAAM has been my first experience in the nonprofit sector.
And if I'm being completely transparent, I still feel like I’ve got so much to learn.
Learning a new industry. Learning a new city. Learning what it means to market an institution carrying stories and histories with a weight very different from anything I've worked on before.
Don’t get me wrong…I know I'm doing meaningful work. What I haven't necessarily gotten comfortable with is the idea that I might have deserved to be recognized for it yet.
Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that since leaving my first career, I’ve gotten very comfortable working behind the scenes. Actually, comfortable might be generous. I got used to hiding there.
I know how to put the organization in front of the camera. I know how to find the story, shape the message, build the campaign, create the moment, and make sure everyone and everything I'm responsible for gets seen.
That's what I do. That’s what I'm good at.
But me?
I stopped seeing myself in front of the camera a very long time ago.
So when someone outside of IAAM reached out and essentially said, We see what you're doing, I didn't really know what to do with that. Someone cue the imposter syndrome and the healthy dose of social anxiety!
Because while they were looking at impact, I was looking at everything I still hadn't learned. While they were seeing change, I was wondering if I'd even been here long enough to claim I'd changed anything. And while they were seeing me, I had become pretty accustomed to being the person behind the work, sight unseen.
Today, I took my first step forward into the light. I stood in front of the camera and I let myself be celebrated.
That last part may have been the hardest, because I've been thinking a lot lately about the difference between humility and hiding. I don't ever want to become someone who needs the spotlight, and I don’t necessarily need my name attached to everything I touch. I believe deeply in teams, collaboration, and giving people their flowers. But I'm starting to wonder if somehow, along the way, I confused being humble with making myself smaller.
And...girl…now you know Coach Carter taught you better than that!
Your playing small does not serve you.
Accepting recognition for my contribution doesn't diminish anyone else's. Saying I'm proud of myself doesn't mean I think I've figured everything out, and being celebrated doesn't mean I've stopped learning.
I can still have questions and make an impact.
I can still be learning and be good at what I do.
I can celebrate the organization and the people I work alongside while also allowing someone to celebrate me.
Maybe that's what I needed this award to remind me. So, thank you to Dorrin Beauty for seeing something in me that I'm still learning to see in myself. Thank you for making me step out from behind the work for a minute. And thank you for reminding me that sometimes taking up space isn't about ego. Sometimes it's simply about finally allowing yourself to stand where you've already earned the right to be.
